Well actually I had a baby. But I got quite fat in the process! I have always been a very physical person, so loosing control of my body, being unable to do things, was challenging.
This week I did my first full hour of physical yoga asana practice since June. I have still meditated every day. But my body has taken such a hammering in the last year so I waited until I felt I was really ready before any posture practice. Many will be surprised it has taken me this long to practise a series of yoga asana. Being a yoga instructor n'all.
Before I had Henry, I would have been just as surprised. I thought I would be bending about in my leggings within a few weeks. But. Caring for Henry comes first. Sleep second. I just have to have faith my body will bounce back and it will take as long as it needs to.
I had a pregnancy of lethargy, migraines, and nausea. I got fat. Huge in fact. Over 4 1/2 stone! There was a lot of stress during and after my pregnancy.
And although I have been surprised by the reality of my situation, I have not been willing to push my physical body when it is clearly not ready.
Why have I let myself be fat? It is not exactly a good look for a yoga teacher in today's Instagram culture!
I don't believe advanced yoga poses and arm balances lead to enlightenment. I don't believe being skinny is proof of a committed yogic lifestyle, mental or emotional resilience. I have never believed that.
For me it has always been about my mind. About relaxation, patience, happiness and faith in myself. I have previously toned up and lost some weight through my yoga asana practise. It was very much a by-product of my practise though, rather than its intention.
In the last 6 years I could count the number of times I have practised Head Stand on one hand, and have fingers to spare. Now, if you asked me how many times I had practised mantra or sat and meditated - I couldn't hazard a guess.
I don't care about all the negative stuff from the last year, or my weight. I have Henry, and a daily practise that helps me cope with the shit from the last year. That is going to help me build a new life for us.
My body did something amazing and it just needs some time to heal.
Our bodies reflect our lives. Where we are and where we have been.
BUT they do not define us as beautiful or ugly, good or bad, fit or unhealthy. They do not define or reflect our potential. They do not give us an outward value above our own inner sense of worth.
Our bodies are amazing vehicles, and sometimes vehicles get a bit battered. They just need a bit of TLC. And, I believe, that if we spend our time nurturing our insides and our minds then it is far more likely our outsides will reap the rewards.
We must try to avoid the temptation to simply look in the mirror, and look in our hearts and minds also.
If we want to make changes we can make them. Believing you can. KNOWING YOU CAN. Even in the face of life-events, setbacks and challenges.
And this is where my yoga asana really comes in. I never thought I would be able to touch my toes, and then I did. And then there were no limits to what I could do with commitment and practise. And amazing things happened.
With love from
Charlotte & Baby Henry xx
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