'I have sacrificed so much'.
At my lowest points since being a mother and helping care for my grandmother I have said this. Felt deep frustration. And if i am being honest, at times in certain scenarios, a feeling of injustice.
Sacrifice had felt like something I had done for love but it had cost me in many energetic and practical ways. Repeatedly.
I had lost parts of myself. 'I' always had to come last. I had sacrificed me/I for the short to medium needs of my loved ones.
It felt negative. Unfair.
It never occurred to me to wonder the higher purpose because I have been knee deep in the gunk of it all. I had got caught up in what I had lost. The cost of it.
Earlier in the summer I signed up for an online Bhagavad Gita course and the teacher explained the real meaning of sacrifice. Which is quite different to my needy, victim based more modern understanding!
Just like that... it put everything into a completely different perspective and i felt a huge relief. Like a weight had been lifted. An immense sense of awareness of what i have really worked on and with. What i have learnt and offered. And yes, even a bit of pride.
My sacrifices were made on a path i hadn't predicted or prepared for. They have been painful and exhausting. And in those sacrifices I have made sacred bonds and connected my-self to a much higher and deeper level of my-self, subtle and sacred.
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