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Contemplation this week... When I signed up for Yoga teaching training I never imagined I would struggle to find confidence in delivering instruction. But I felt awkward, uncomfortable and anxious. I worked hard, and delivered my sequence the best I could for my practical assessment. I felt elated and that I had turned a HUGE corner. And then I got my feedback... A couple of points really stuck in my throat. But rather than focus on working on them I started to compare myself to other students. Even though I had passed I was judging myself against my peers. Something I have never done before. I have always been content to be who I am, even if I am working towards change. After investing in something that had been such a challenge for me, the lack of positive feedback left me bereft. Where had my experience, their perception and my response got in such a muddle? I then got some truly excellent advice and after a good chat with the course leader things were put into perspective. One of my favourite lessons from yoga is to act free from attachment to the outcome. Rather than focusing on the criticism I am now focusing on the energy and intention that I put into it. I did my best. I showed up and stepped into the arena. I did battle with the things that challenged me. For that I will always be proud of myself.
8 Comments
What a great lesson Charlotte, albeit painful! You really did step up and you got the learning from it which is to your credit. I experienced something similar with my recent piano exam. I always like to remember the quote in Neale Donald Walsch's book Little Soul and the Sun - 'remember I have sent you nothing but angels'. I try to look on people like your assessor in this way (afterwards!) :) Charlotte: I SO know what you are talking about! I think we all go through having second thoughts about whether or not we are qualified enough to follow our dreams. I have heard that those who constantly question their own qualifications are the most qualified of all! Those who go bravely in with no doubt usually have the most work to do! We all like to have validation but sometimes we grow the most when we have to rely on our own inside knowingness. Yay you for being brave enough to follow your dreams and especially brave enough to share your experiences! 3/6/2013 02:56:13 pm
Beautiful! It's amazing how fast we can unravel ourselves when we start to compare ourselves with others! I love that you speak of the will to step into an area when the outcome is uncertain - that is so powerful. :) 3/6/2013 11:23:10 pm
Love this attitude. I have been working on keeping myself in a place acceptance lately. It is so affirming to see more women going there!
Paula ann Hagar
4/6/2013 05:38:10 am
Had a very similar experience when I trained to teach yoga in my late 50's.... Now at 65 I am seriously considering teaching again. There is great power in "the self" 6/6/2013 07:39:48 am
I am a relatively new student of yoga and from my perspective, the struggles that you are sharing here will make you a great teacher. As your students, we would all feel these things as we go throughout the class. Share these feelings. Make them part of your lesson. I had one teacher who did that and it really made me think. We think that, because we are "spiritual" beings we are supposed to suddenly not be human with an urge to compete. It is part of our DNA. Click on the link for my name - to my latest post - you will get a kick out of how much our posts have in common. Good luck with your teacher training and don't give up. Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
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