There has been an update to my Whoops I Got Fat blog post brewing for a while.
And there it is. Me pushing Henry round the garden with my sister and 5 year old niece taking photos. In my pants and bra. Releasing my inner supermodel when I least feel like one!
WHY WOULD I DO THAT?!?! Well - because of this pic .
Wow. Supermodel and runner Ymre Stiekema is a great choice to promote the new Bugaboo Runner in her Vogue shoot.
Would they choose me to promote their brand? Errrmmmm. Probably not.
The styling for my photo is a little less sophisticated!
I couldn’t wear my sports bra because Henry vomited INTO it the night before. Seriously. He had his bed time milk and projectile vomited over my chest, body, into my hair, all over my bed and carpet. So, I had to wear this badly fitting nude one.
I couldn’t wear make up. Having been plagued by cold sores for months, which spread to my eyes last week. I am applying prescribed cream 5 times a day. So. No makeup.
I live in the Welsh Valleys. So no suntan.
I had my hair cut off a couple of months ago after a new hairdresser made a mess of it. And my colour needs doing. So, no long luscious hair.
I'm running around in the garden. Lets face it, I would be arrested, or referred to social services if I went running around the park like this. I don’t think anyone would think I was an athlete and leave me to it...
I know this body, as wobbly as it is, is as amazing as Ymre's. BUT. Being honest I have struggled with how it now looks and behaves, over the last 6 months in particular.
I just look different for now. And thats fine. I will get fitter, stronger and healthier. My cold-sores will go, my hair will grow, and I will sort my underwear out.
But I might never look the same. My body may well have changed for ever.
Feeling good in our skin is such a huge & complex discussion. Sometimes if feels like we are constantly being socially conditioned to feel insecure with how we look and feel. We must want to look better, and thiner, and more fashionable, and, have bigger eyes, etc etc...
How we feel about ourselves is complicated by the internet. Distorted and manipulated by advertising and marketing. Targeted by diet promotors and calorie counting apps.
If you are dealing with any of these issues too right now, it sucks right? I don't have any answers to any of this.
These huge industries exist partly because they are very clever at getting into our brains and hooking us in to believing we need them. And partly because they genuinely serve some very happy customers. Whats wrong with that?
I love mascara, a good hair cut, and my new trainers. The fashion and beauty industries are not my enemy. I don't want to feel hypocritical for taking what I want from them. And I don't want to feel bad about how I look because I engage in them.
Can we, then, condition ourselves to take what we want and leave what we don't? Without guilt, fat/thin shaming, comparing ourselves to photoshopped images?
Is it a matter of enforcing our own sense of self worth? Having the confidence to stand where we are, and change what we want to in a healthy and positive way.
What is healthy? What is comfortable? What is gorgeous? What is happy? What is authentic? What is ego?
Can I truly be happy being overweight and unfit? Taking this picture was actually really run.
What was the most surprising was how I don't actually look as fat as I thought I would. And yes, obviously I ditched the most unflattering photos!
Their is laughter and silliness in these pics.
My Life. My Family.
Happiness that is not rooted in the value I place on how I look.
And ironically I don’t think I ever would have done it if I was still a slender size 8 without a floppy baby belly.
Will you join me?! What is it you feel least like doing that would make a real difference to how you feel today? Do it!
Lets run around pushing things in our pants together?!?! Hooray!
Please note - Yes, Henry does have a Bugaboo buggy! - just a coincidence. This post does not represent their views or carefully managed branding. It is JUST A COINCIDENCE!!!
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